Tenth Season What the Heck are We Gonna Do
by mermaid2bseeker
Summary: The preseason ten meeting. Part 1 has no spoilers for USA. Part 2 will be after April. Please read and review. Rating for some innuendo.


Welcome to the tenth annual: What the Heck are We Gonna Do This Season Meeting.

A/N: due to the lovely reviews I got, I decided to write a pre-season meeting for season ten as well. No spoilers for USA, so the ideas only go as far as The Quest, which is as far as we've gotten. I uploaded both chapters as one document.

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Warning: Double entendres abound in Chapter 2.

Chapter 1: Episode ideas.

PIERRE: "Welcome to the tenth annual, blah blah blah."

JOLLY: "Hey, just got back from a vacation in Tahiti, where did we leave off last season?"

SECRETARY: "The Ori fleet has destroyed all but one Earth ship. Carter is stuck in space in a suit, Vala's in labor, Daniel may or may not be dead, and Teal'c is somewhere."

MARBLE: "Wow, that's a lot of loose ends."

JOLLY: "Which ship got destroyed?"

SECRETARY: "I don't know."

JOLLY: "What? Why not?"

PIERRE: "We couldn't decide which ship to destroy, remember? Because Cameron is on the American ship and Daniel is on the Russian ship."

MARBLE: "Destroy the Russian one."

DANIEL: "Hey, I am sick and tired of dying."

VALA: "Morning everyone. I'm back and I had my baby."

JOLLY: "Perfect. Daniel can ring over to Vala's ship right before the Russians go boom. And he can rescue her."

SAMANTHA: "Hello, what about me?"

PIERRE: "What about you?"

SAMANTHA: "I'm still stuck in space. How do I get back?"

CAMERON: "Ooh, can I drive the Odyssey?"

MARBLE: "Sure, you can scoop Carter up."

SAMANTHA: "Great. That's gonna hurt."

CAMERON: "Don't worry. I'll go nice and slow."

SAMANTHA: "Gross."

VALA: "Does this mean I'm part of the team now?"

TEALC: "No, first you must endure a probationary period."

VALA: "For how long?"

TEALC: shrug

PIERRE: "Do you realize that our 200th episode is coming up?"

CAMERON: "So's my 200th trip through the gate."

SAMANTHA: "Who cares?"

JOLLY: "You actually count them?"

JACK: "Weirdo."

DANIEL: "What are you doing here?"

JACK: "Well, you know. I really missed you guys."

SAMANTHA: cough, cough

JACK: "Oh and I wanted to tell you all that Sam and I got married."

MARBLE: "What?! You can't do that!"

VALA: "Why can't they? They love each other."

JOLLY: "Because we love tormenting Sam. It's no fun if she gets her Jack."

JACK: "Wanna see the wedding footage?"

TEALC: "Indeed."

They all watch the wedding video.

EVERYONE: "Awwww. How sweet."

CAMERON: to Daniel "Do people really think you're…with him?"

DANIEL: "Yeah, unfortunately."

PIERRE: "Let's bring back Martin Lloyd."

JACK: groan "Do we have to?"

PIERRE: "Yes, that way we can spoof off everything we already spoof on, only this time more extravagantly."

SAMANTHA: "Can there be puppets? Please."

MARBLE: "Sure, why not?"

TEALC: "I wish to be a private investigator."

CRICKETS: "Chirp. Chirp."

MARBLE: "Um… I don't know…"

TEALC: growl

JOLLY: "Of course you can be a private eye." elbows others "Right?"

MARBLE: "Right."

PIERRE: "Right."

TEALC: smiles

FANGIRLS on Cameron's leg: "Farscape! Farscape! Farscape!"

CAMERON: "Um, the people under the table seem to want a Farscape sequence."

VALA: "I suppose I could be Aeryn, I do bear a small resemblance to her."

JACK: "Who's gonna be Crichton?"

FANGIRLS on Daniel's leg: bite

DANIEL: "Ow!!!!"

JACK: "Okay, Daniel will be Crichton."

DANIEL: "Huh?"

VALA: "I got a question. How can my daughter lead the Ori when she's a little baby?"

CRICKETS: "Chirp, chirp."

A few silent moments pass.

CRICKETS: "Chirp, chirp."

JOLLY: "Stop chirping."

CRICKETS: raspberry

JACK: "Can't we just make her older?"

SAMANTHA: "He did it again."

PIERRE: "Brillant. The Ori will accelerate her growth."

DANIEL: "Can I go to Atlantis? Please."

MARBLE: "No."

DANIEL: "Why not?"

CAMERON: "Because you'd never want to leave. The place is like Daniel-Disney-World."

VALA: "I'll go with him to make sure he comes back."

JOLLY: "All right then."

TEALC: "Why do we not just use the Dakara Superweapon to destroy the Priors?"

PIERRE: "Hey, that's a really good idea."

SECRETARY: "Um, that would be a problem. If SG-1 can kill the Priors so easily where's the threat?"

PIERRE: "Fine, we'll destroy Dakara. Somehow."

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Chapter 2: Bad Guys

PIERRE: "So we have the Ori, now we need a bunch of lesser-evil bad guys to fight each episode."

JACK: "We already killed all the lesser-evil bad guys."

MARBLE: "So, we make up new ones."

DANIEL: "And the reason we've never noticed them before is?"

JOLLY: "Because they're just coming into power, duh."

CAMERON: "Don't the priors fulfill the lesser-evil category?"

TEALC: "No, they are more the medium-evil villains."

VALA: "Is that like medium rare?"

SAMANTHA: "Much like the jaffa were medium-evil."

DANIEL: "They've even got the staff weapons."

Everyone stops to ponder this amazing cough not cough coincidence.

PIERRE: "Enough pondering!"

JACK: "I miss Ba'al."

SAMANTHA: "You 'miss' Ba'al."

DANIEL: "He means, he misses mocking Ba'al."

MARBLE: "Too bad we killed him."

TEALC: "Not before he cloned himself."

VALA: "I think Qetesh used to know a Ba'al."

JOLLY: "Let's bring a bunch of Ba'als to the SGC."

CAMERON: "I think the SGC already has enough Ba'als as it is."

JACK: "Nonsense, you can never have too many Ba'als."

SAMANTHA: groan

VALA: "Can I play with your Ba'als?"

DANIEL: groan

PIERRE: "Are we done being nine years old?"

CAMERON: "We can tease our Ba'als to get a reaction, and make the other Ba'als feel inferior."

JACK: to Cameron "Save some for the actual episode."

PIERRE: "Moving on. We got any other Goa'ulds left? Anyone with a grudge?"

VALA: shifty eyes "No, no one."

DANIEL: "Who is it?"

VALA: "Well, uh, Qetesh might have lied to Athena about finding the ultimate treasure."

JOLLY: "Oooh, I like. And she kidnaps you to find where it's hidden."

TEALC: "How would Athena get into the SGC to kidnap Vala?"

SAMANTHA: "Who says she has to be in the base?"

CAMERON: "What reason could she possibly have to go to the surface?"

TEALC: "Perhaps she's on a date."

FANGIRLS on Cameron's leg: growl

FANGIRLS on Daniel's leg: cheer

FANGIRLS (Cam): scratch out

FANGIRLS (Dan): yank hair

FANGIRLS (Cam): bch slap

FANGIRLS (Dan): boob punch

MARBLE: "Enough! Girls, if you please, back to your respective legs."

DANIEL: "I keep telling you, it wasn't a date."

PIERRE: "Because those fangirls scare me, I'm adding a slightly possible Vala/Cameron ship scene."

CAMERON: "Really?"

PIERRE: "She's going to kidnap you and handcuff you to a bed."

FANGIRLS (Cam): "Squuuueeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" enters supersonic range

SAMANTHA: "Make him lose his pants again."

FANGIRLS (Cam): heads explode out of excitement

TEALC: "I am not cleaning that up."

VALA: "But I love Daniel, not Cameron."

JOLLY: "We know. Basically the episode is him pining over you."

JACK: "Are we ever gonna find a big honking space gun?"

DANIEL: "Yeah, when are we gonna look for Merlin's superweapon?"

MARBLE: "Uh, second episode sounds good to me."

TEALC: "And of course we do not find it."

CAMERON: "Why not?"

TEALC: "It would be too early in the season."

SAMANTHA: "Wonderful. What trouble do we get into?"

JACK: "You'd think with all that running around and fighting you guys do, you'd want to take a nap."

DANIEL: "I am kinda tired."

SAMANTHA: "I'm not."

JACK: "Duh. You never sleep anyways."

PIERRE: "We could force Sam to go to sleep."

SAMANTHA: "Why me?"

PIERRE: "Fine we'll make everyone go to sleep."

CAMERON: "But if we sleep we'll die."

DANIEL: "Why'd you have to complicate it?"

VALA: "What'll I be doing?"

TEALC: "Annoying someone I'm sure."

VALA: "Was that a joke? I'm still learning how to tell when you're being funny."

TEALC: stoic face

MARBLE: "I don't know about you, but I want to take a short hiatus--I mean break."

JOLLY: "Let's take a lunch break."

PIERRE: "Come back around April."

MARBLE: "Good, meeting ajorned."

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A/N: Please review, and be gentle. 


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